13 Things I Learned in India

Wow, I'm back in the United States. A big part of me feels like I never left, and I'm trying really hard to fight that. I don't want to feel like I never left because I intended India to leave an impact on me. So, I will make a list of things I realized and learned and discovered in India, hopefully forcing myself not to forget.

1. Toilet paper is completely unnecessary.
2. You don't have to know where anything is if a rickshaw driver is always taking you there.
3. Scarfs are very useful in keeping yourself cool. It seems like they should be used to keep warm, but when a scarf is on top of your head it keeps you very cool!
4. While on the metro train, I saw little boy after little boy hold onto the pole in the middle of the train and spin around it. No matter how hard you argue, all people are the same. Kids do the same things in India that they do in America. All people need food, shelter, to love, and be loved. The only reason they go about obtaining these things in different ways is because of different cultural expectations. ALL people are the same.
5. I know that God knows who I am and has a plan for me. I knew I was supposed to go to India, and I've begun to see his plan for me unravel before my eyes because I went where he wanted me to go.
6.  God is more powerful than Satan.
7. You can find beauty in anything if you WANT to. If you have a sincere desire to like or love or favor something, chances are you will be able to adjust. I've seen volunteers in India honestly just hate the culture in India, but as I tried and tried to adjust, I was eventually successful.   I started feeling adjusted the last 5-7 days of my trip, so I know now that I need about a month to adjust. By "adjusted" I mean I started liking the sounds and smells and things that originally overwhelmed me. Markets were still pretty overwhelming at the end of my trip, though. That is something that will take some getting used to, honestly.
8. Soft beds and chairs are unnecessary.
9. Indian people have a talent for falling asleep anywhere, it seems. I wish I could fall asleep on a marble floor!
10. Monetary value is all relative. When an orphanage is built out of marble, you know you must be somewhere other than Hillsboro, Oregon. Marble and some precious gems are so much easier to come by there, while they are luxury items here.
11. Culture shock will go away with time if you want it to. If you don't want to change yourself to fit into the culture you will probably never adjust. I met a girl who had been in India for a year and she told me she, "never really adjusted." I'm sorry to say, but that was 100% her own fault. Learning how to adjust is pretty important if you want to not be constantly stressed out and hating your life.
12. Dress up just because! Traditional Indian dress is so beautiful, and they wear clothes like that so often, not just for special occasions. Sushma told me that henna means happiness - so you decorate things when you are happy, specifically yourself. I find that when I'm happier I put more effort into looking good anyways. Indians have that figured out! Put effort into how you look, and you feel a little more confident I think.
13. Most importantly, I learned that I can do this whole travel thing. And I'm so glad that I know that now! I don't like 8-hour flights a whole lot, but I can find ways to entertain myself. It's not a big deal, really. I like meeting new people, I like going new places, and I like witnessing exquisite examples of beauty. I like learning about cultures and why people do the things they do. I definitely will pursue anthropology.

Anna Hazare

While I was in India this last weekend, I went to a political rally. A man named Anna Hazare is doing a hunger strike against corruption in the government. Anna Hazare was on a stage in a huge field, and there were at least a football field of people sitting cross-legged in front of him. On top of that, there were a bunch of people standing around, milling about, and parading around in large groups with flags and face paint. There were so many people there, speaking Hindi so I didn't understand anything. I think if I would have been at a rally that huge in the US I would have been really nervous that it would turn violent unexpectedly. But I felt completely safe there. It was so cool! Also, Jo and I got interviewed by a news station, a film crew making a documentary, and a woman working with a newspaper or something.

I'm not sure if a hunger strike would work in the United States. The only person I could think of everyone getting behind and supporting the way the entire nation supports Anna Hazare, is Oprah. But that's not really the way we commonly instigate change in the US. Yeah, we have protests and stuff. But I don't feel like they're effective compared to this campaign because the Indian people are united behind it, while the American people don't seem to be ideologically united unless a lot of Americans are killed or something.

Here's a picture of one of the protesters at the rally:

Reluctant to Return to the States

I've been working on my promo video for the past few days. I've worked out a first draft and got some feedback. I'm going to go in a completely different direction, and not focus as much on "interviews." I felt kind of frustrated when people from headquarters told me they wanted me to go in a different direction, when I had put a lot of effort into the first one. However, i agree that it needs to change! After some more filming today, and a lot of planning and stuff, I feel like I'm prepared to change directions and I will be successful!

Sometimes people here come across as rude or tactless. I try really hard to not get offended because I don't think they mean to be rude or anything. I was talking to another volunteer and he explained that Hindi is an extremely direct language. I guess there isn't a word for "thank you" unless someone saved your life or something. Because their original language is so direct, their English is super direct. In America we speak very euphemistically. For example, some girls weren't sure that they were supposed to be at a meeting yesterday, but they showed up anyways and were a little late. When they voiced this, an Indian woman said something along the lines of, "I told you to be here at 2:30." If she were American, she probably would have said, "Oh. maybe there were some miss-communications. I intended for you to be here at 2:30, along with everyone else." Knowing that Indian people are very direct is SO helpful in understanding how they communicate with me, and how to read them. They aren't calling me out when they say, "I told you __," they are just clarifying, or simply making conversation.

Another cultural fact - when you buy something and someone asks how much it cost you, it's their way of showing interest in you. Also, people will ask you how you got somewhere after you arrived. Did you take the metro? What station did you get off the train at? Did you take an autorickshaw after that? When they ask you how you got there, it's their way of showing they care, it seems to me.

I feel like I'm starting to understand the culture. I traveled to Noida today alone, and once I got home I was telling one of the girls in the homestay about my day. Really, I don't want to come home to the states. I feel like I've adjusted. I have friends and I enjoy being here. I feel like I'm making progress on my project and I'm reaching my goals. I have more work that I could do if I had more time. I've been really homesick the past two days, but now I just don't want to go home. 

Snuggle Pillows and Sneezes

Going to the home in Greater Noida was so awesome!! I got to take pictures and videos, and do interviews with the girls and with the volunteers there. Before I filmed the interviews, I would just chat with the girls for a little while. I got some amazing feedback! Some of the girls didn't want to say what they told me on film, but that's okay. Most of the girls really love it at the Greater Noida home, and it was so cool to hear them say, "This is not an orphanage, this is my home."

There were some other girls that gave me some awesome feedback about what they want to change at the home. I feel like that's a way I can help here at Udayan care, is sharing this feedback with Headquarters. For example, one of the girls suggested they have more than one mentor mother. Totally makes sense! They have 35 girls and only one woman that comes a few times a week to be their "mother figure." I think that is a good suggestion! There were some other suggestions that I have no control over, and some girls just seemed a little bitter about certain aspects of the home that aren't going to change. That's a shame, but you can't make someone be happy or like where they are living. They have to make that choice.

One of the girls put a henna design on my hand. It looks awesome!! She did such a good job. Although I should have packed my bags before she put i on my hand...

I felt super sick when I woke up at the Greater Noida home yesterday. My head was pounding and my sinuses were all stuffed up. I felt better when I got back to East of Kailesh yesterday evening and took a nap. But last night I came down with a fever and had crazy chills and was sneezing. I've had a few fevers since I've been in India, but this one stunk because my lovely Sara wasn't here! I was in the room alone last night. BUT the fact that she wasn't here meant I got a snuggle pillow - a concept I introduced to her in Jaipur; a pillow for your head, and  a pillow to snuggle with! But being sick isn't so bad today because I just need to edit pictures and videos today anyways. Today is India's Independence day!

Transition from the Orphanage to New Delhi

I find it annoying when people get all emotional online, and post or tweet desperate things, and I've tried to avoid that here on my blog. But the reality is that living in an orphanage is really, really difficult. There are lots of emotional and psychological issues that come into play all the time. And as an international volunteer, I have to deal not only with the language barriers, but with the cultural differences as well.

When I talk about "culture shock" it may be hard to understand what I'm referring to, especially if you're back in the states, texting and eating Cafe Rio. Culture shock is when you can't communicate with someone because you don't speak Hindi - for the 7th time that day. It's when literally every person in the train station stares at you when they walk by, as you sit on the bench alone and wait for a train. Culture shock is when people yell at you in Hindi to buy things that you don't want a the market place, and then a little girl with face paint on begs you to buy some henna. Culture shock is when you eat roti for the third meal that day and you just want some cinnamon toast. Culture shock is when you go to the market and the man tells you the necklace costs 100 rupies, and then you hear him tell an Indian woman it costs 50 rupies. Or when you're in the back of a rickshaw and every single person is honking their horn so loud that you think your head might explode and implode all at the same time.

Now don't get me wrong, there are so many beautiful things about this culture that I'm enjoying. I love the crazy flavors, the naan bread, the fresh guava, the home-made mango juice. I love eating with roti instead of with a fork. I love it when you drive past a huge field and you can see the workers because their sarrees are so bright you can't help but stare as they stick out from the rest of the grass. I love that it's okay to talk to strangers (although it's usually really overwhelming for me). I love that people wear tons of jewelry just because. I love the humidity. I love that you can hold hands with someone you care about just because - it's not a big deal. I love being called "didi." I love that they always offer guests a drink of cold water.

But anyways, back to the orphanage. Yes, living in an orphanage was hard for me, but it's even harder for the kids who see volunteers constantly come and go. Why on earth would they want to trust you when they know you're going to leave?

With some other factors piled on top of that, I decided that spending another week at the orphanage would not be the best use of my time. I wouldn't be able to fix my relationship with them in a week - relationships are formed over such a longer span of time. When I realized this, I felt like I had failed my mission. Other volunteers did this, why couldn't I? I came to help kids in an orphanage, and I couldn't even do that. I felt like a total failure. I was feeling my worst last weekend, and I basically shut down. After we came home from church last Sunday at about 3 pm, I basically slept until dinner which was at about 8:30 pm. I felt so discouraged and was just done dealing with it. When an Udayan representative stopped by that weekend, he asked if I was okay. Vivek seemed rather worried about me on Monday when he was there. But Jaipur helped me recuperate, and was a much needed holiday.

I'm a perfectionist, and I like things to be just a certain way, so it was a hard decision for me to leave the orphanage. I wanted to "fix it" and make it right, but I knew I needed to leave and come back to New Delhi. I met with some coordinators at Udayan Care today, and we talked about my transition from the orphanage to the UC Headquarters. I'm going to travel to two other orphanages in my last week here and film and edit a promo video for the NGO. I'll also take pictures of the kids in the homes. I'm excited to do this! I think my skills will be put to good use here. I have a little bit of editing experience, but not enough, so if you have any advice for me please facebook me or something. I think this will be a good use of my time here.

And, for your pleasure, here's a video of the bathroom on the train back from Jaipur. The train was very, very nice. But Sara was a little surprised when she used the bathroom and realized where the pipe lead..

Greetings from Jaipur!

Sara and I are in Jaipur right now! Wow, we have had an amazing time!! We've finished our work at the orphanage, and after our 3 day holiday here in Jaipur I will move back to New Delhi and start my work at Udayan Care headquarters for the remainder of my stay in India. By transferring to NGO's headquarters, I will be able to get a feel for the administrative aspect of social work. I'm pretty excited to try that out!

Well, we have had a fabulous time in Jaipur so far. We took a four hour train ride here, which was pretty nice. When we got to the train station we had some trouble finding our taxi driver.. but we sorted it out eventually. Not after being asked by like 15 people if we needed a richshaw. We felt a little overwhelmed. Just a little.

I was feeling skeptical about the hotel, but when we got there I fell in love! I felt like I was in America again. After two weeks living with locals, it was nice to feel like I was home. Air conditioning, toilet paper, and TV in English are amenities I welcome with open arms!

After hanging out for a bit, we left for our first sight-seeing. First we saw some fancy building, but didn't really want to pay a guide to explain it all. Then we went to the King's palace. It was amazing! And SO beautiful! Our favorite part was looking at all the weapons they had on display. How cool! They have back-scratchers that convert into knifes, and lighters from 200 years ago. Also, there were loads of knives that doubled as guns. So cool!!

We went back to the room and relaxed for a while, and then we went to Chauki Dhani. OH MY GOSH! It was amazing. We had some troubles finding where the buffet was.. but we rode a camel! The camel symbolizes love, I found out. And it is now my new favorite animal. AH! I want to go on a journey in the desert on a camel. Oh my goodness, it was awesome! Also, the food there was absolutely amazing. We ate until we physically couldn't eat anymore. Yum!

After Chauki Dhani we hopped back in our taxi and made our way to the hotel for a long-needed night's rest. This morning after we got ready we did a lot of sight-seeing. We walked around two forts, and took pictures of a palace that was half-submerged in water. Instead of getting guides, Sara and I made up stories for the sites. It was so much fun!! We came up with intricate tales involving a King Sharu, Prince Jazmeal, Princess Sapira, and the evil King Raji from the Mogul empire. Man! Today has been totally awesome.

I've decided that it's a lot easier to adjust to a culture when I have an American style home to go back to. I'm not as afraid to face the dangers of India and all the vendors that try to get me to buy EVERYTHING when I know I can go back home to place that is like the home I'm used to. Also, on an interesting note, I dyed my hair brown. Sara and I have definitely noticed a change in the locals. They stare just as much, but they don't talk to me as often. Also, they give us better deals on stuff. I like the dark hair, and this is an added bonus!

Rakhi Festival

Today was the Rakhi Festival here. During the festival girls give boys bracelets, which says they want the boys to take care of them and protect them (like in a brotherly way). ALSO, we got to eat delicious Indian sweets. It was a long festival, but it was really cool to watch. The girls also put a bindhi on the boy's foreheads, but either put a grain of rice or a piece of sugar in the middle of it (I couldn't tell which it was). Pretty interesting!

While we were waiting for our ride today, we met another social worker that works with one of the boy's homes. Our social worker, Sara, this new guy, and me all chatted for a while. The social worker told this man that I had a good voice and I played guitar, and she told me to sing everyone a song. The people here do that all the time, ask each other to sing, or just start singing. It's really fun! And Sujita tells people that she introduces me to that I have a "sweet voice." That makes me feel good :)

Still Not Defeated

Here, one day feels like 3 days. Sara and I go through such a huge range of emotions in less than 24 hours, it's pretty ridiculous. Today was no exception to the rule.

Today we started out the day pretty pumped, but within a few hours I grew pretty homesick. I read a loving email from my mom and just wanted to be home, eating popcorn and watching Star Trek. When the girls got home it was kind of hard for me to be emotionally interested in them, honestly. I don't think they're stupid, and just because their English isn't very good doesn't mean they can't read my facial expressions or my body language - so they knew I wasn't particularly happy. Sujita, the angel that she is, asked me a few times if there were any "problems." I told her I didn't have any problems.

We celebrated Rani's and Promila's birthdays today and the cake was AWESOME!! The frosting melted in your mouth, and I don't think it was because of the heat here. So good! Every meal we ate today was amazing. It was an awesome food day - we didn't even have to break out the nutella, peanut butter and digestives. (Digestives are like cracker cookies from the UK, and they taste a lot better than they sound). 

When I asked Sara what I should write about today, she said, "Write about what you feel. Write about how you feel defeated." A part of me does feel defeated, because I feel kind of ill-prepared for this. I need training in social work to really make a difference in these girl's lives. And I also need to fluent in Hindi. We spend a lot of time with the girls learning vocabulary, so I can pretty much always understand what a conversation is about. But still, that's not enough. However, a part of me does NOT feel defeated. Tonight Ishika knocked on my door and had me come play a game with her. We played memory and she started cheating at first. I told her not to, and she scoffed it off. On about the third round, I started losing terribly. Ishika started giving me her matched tiles, and we ended the round with her having about 2 matches, and I had about 8. Whenever I'd try to give her some, she'd say, "No, didi! No, your's!" It was adorable. Also, by the end of the game, she started to penalize herself for cheating. I'm not sure if she actually learned something from me, or if she was just following the "no cheating" rule because she wanted a sticker after wards. Either way, she stopped cheating and I count that as a success.

Ishika was such a good example to me tonight. She taught me a Hindi hand-clap game as well, and took me upstairs to spend time with the other girls afterwards. Ishika can be kind of short-tempered sometimes, but she was really loving and Christ-like tonight. I'm glad I get to spend time with these girls and they are definitely a blessing in my life.

Divorce and Trains

Yesterday I was walking in the park with Sapna and Sujita and they asked about my parents. I tried to explain that my parents were divorced, and when they understood the two girls were astounded. They told me how sorry they were, and asked me if my parents would get married again. I told them they wouldn't, and they got even more sad. Sujita told me, "Didi, I do not like people who do divorce. I do not like them because they made a promise on the wedding day. They promised that when the other person cries they will make them happy. They promised that they will always be with them. I do not like people who do divorce because they do not keep their promise." Well said, Sujita! Supna and Sujita made me promise not to get divorced. They also explained that if I don't sign the divorce papers and my husband does, then it's not divorce.

Also yesterday, Pooja told me I need to wear more makeup because the skin next to my eyes looks green. Haha! Thanks, Pooja :) I love how honest these kids are. It's absolutely fabulous!

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TODAY was a hard day. LOTS of culture shock. Sara, Hayley and I went and did research in Delhi. Well, pretty much Hayley allowed Sara and I to follow her around for an hour or two, and then we went shopping and got lunch. But I got hit on by an Indian man again. I should have dyed my hair or something. According to Leo, one of my fellow volunteers, Indian men think that Western women are "readily available" because of how they are portrayed in the media. I would definitely agree with that. But I don't like being hit on in America, and I especially don't like being hit on here.

Also, we got stuck in the male car of the train today, which was super crowded. Once on the train, I got humped by a stranger. I cried afterwards. I knew something like this would happen, and I tried to mentally prepare myself for it.. but I still cried. Hayley was just like "Welcome to India!" Ugh. I miss America.

At the market today I felt pretty overwhelmed, especially in Old Delhi. Wow, Old Delhi is SO run down. There was so much trash everywhere, it was ridiculous.

Sara and I came home today and I don't think Madhu understood it was our day off? She kept asking us if we were gonna go do things with them, and we said no. When we got home at like 6pm we just laid in our room with the light off, because we'd been so bombarded by stimuli all day long. We emerged from our room at like 8pm, but we still feel really exhausted from today. I wish I was as chill as Hayley. Maybe it's because she's been here for 4 months already, or because she's older, but I worry it's because I'm not cut out to be an anthropologist. I think a big part of it is the language. So I'm going to study Spanish really hard the next few semesters and next summer go to central or south America and try living in a new culture where I can actually understand the locals. THEN I will be able to tell what I'm cut out for, and what I am not.

Divorce and Trains

Yesterday I was walking in the park with Sapna and Sujita and they asked about my parents. I tried to explain that my parents were divorced, and when they understood the two girls were astounded. They told me how sorry they were, and asked me if my parents would get married again. I told them they wouldn't, and they got even more sad. Sujita told me, "Didi, I do not like people who do divorce. I do not like them because they made a promise on the wedding day. They promised that when the other person cries they will make them happy. They promised that they will always be with them. I do not like people who do divorce because they do not keep their promise." Well said, Sujita! Supna and Sujita made me promise not to get divorced. They also explained that if I don't sign the divorce papers and my husband does, then it's not divorce.

Also yesterday, Pooja told me I need to wear more makeup because the skin next to my eyes looks green. Haha! Thanks, Pooja :) I love how honest these kids are. It's absolutely fabulous!

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TODAY was a hard day. LOTS of culture shock. Sara, Hayley and I went and did research in Delhi. Well, pretty much Hayley allowed Sara and I to follow her around for an hour or two, and then we went shopping and got lunch. But I got hit on by an Indian man again. I should have dyed my hair or something. According to Leo, one of my fellow volunteers, Indian men think that Western women are "readily available" because of how they are portrayed in the media. I would definitely agree with that. But I don't like being hit on in America, and I especially don't like being hit on here.

Also, we got stuck in the male car of the train today, which was super crowded. Once on the train, I got humped by a stranger. I cried afterwards. I knew something like this would happen, and I tried to mentally prepare myself for it.. but I still cried. Hayley was just like "Welcome to India!" Ugh. I miss BYU.

At the market today I felt pretty overwhelmed, especially in Old Delhi. Wow, Old Delhi is SO run down. There was so much trash everywhere, it was ridiculous.

Sara and I came home today and I don't think Madhu understood it was our day off? She kept asking us if we were gonna go do things with them, and we said no. When we got home at like 6pm we just laid in our room with the light off, because we'd been so bombarded by stimuli all day long. We emerged from our room at like 8pm, but we still feel really exhausted from today. I wish I was as chill as Hayley. Maybe it's because she's been here for 4 months already, or because she's older, but I worry it's because I'm not cut out to be an anthropologist. I think a big part of it is the language. So I'm going to study Spanish really hard the next few semesters and next summer go to central or south America and try living in a new culture where I can actually understand the locals. THEN I will be able to tell what I'm cut out for, and what I am not.

Noida Branch

On Sunday I woke up and got ready for church, and Sara had suggested she come to church with me. We ate breakfast with the girls and left in the morning. There's a branch here in Noida, just like there was one right by our old host family. Wow, God loves me! We got there and I instantly felt better. I felt so loved and not alone or useless. Church hadn't even started and I was crying already. There are about 15-20 people in the branch, it seems. One boy holds the Aaronic priesthood and passed the sacrament to everyone. We even met a guy from the States living here on business.

What's even more crazy, is I met an anthropology major there, a girl named Hayley from BYU! She's doing a study here on fertility stigmas and I asked if we could tag along with her this week. She agreed, and asked if she could stop by the orphanage. Wow!!!!
The people in the branch were so friendly, and offered to set up meals with us because the food adjustment has been kind of hard. I miss meat because we don't get a lot protein here. One woman in the branch asked if I had been a member all my life, and I told her yes. She got this look of wonderment on her face, and said, "So you went from primary, to young women's to relief society? And your family, too?" I told her yes and she told me how lucky I was. She's been a member for 2 years and her sister is serving a mission right now.

After church Hayley took us somewhere to get meat. I was feeling really dizzy by this point, but I loved being around her. She's such a ray of sunshine! She served her mission in Denver, Colorado, and is just about to graduate BYU.

Back home, the girls were really, really excited to see us. But I wasn't feeling good so went to the room and took a nap. When I came back out the girls wanted to do some reading with me again! I had a fever yesterday, but was drinking lots of water. We went to the park later and had a really fun time! I went home early and laid down again because I was feeling really hot.

We continued to read with the girls, and listened to Hindi and American music. It was really fun! The girls are so great. I love them to death, my goodness.

After dinner Sara and I talked about how she felt about church. I had already given her a Book of Mormon a day or two before, so we had talked about some things before since she was showing so much interest. We talked for at least an hour. :) Wow, she's showing a LOT of interest and I love answering all her questions!!

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Today, Monday, we haven't been feeling well. We are really tired and Sara has been feeling sick to her stomach. But I don't have a fever anymore. We're going to call our coordinator pretty soon here to see what we should do next.

Saturday evening

So the internet here does NOT like my laptop. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't for not apparent reason. It also HATES blogspot when i finally get the internet to work on my computer, so this post has been a long time coming. I'd use the girl's computer, but the keyboard doesn't work for every key.

WOW yesterday was absolutely amazing.

When i posted the last post on Saturday, I was feeling pretty discouraged and really home sick and like I was not helping anyone by being here. But in the evening, I asked Sapna, one of the older girls who seems to be the social leader of the home, if they liked having us here. She cried, "No, didi, no! Is that why you sad? You are not happy in my home? We like you, didi!" I told her it made us sad when they only spoke Hindi because we couldn't understand anything. After that, we went downstairs and Sara was on the phone with the social worker, trying to figure out what to do. We were feeling so alone because the girls would only speak in Hindi and such, and needed some help. We'd emailed and called all of the coordinators that day. But I went into the study room and Sapna got out an English book and started reading to me. Even Madhu, the adult care giver who lives at the home, got out an English book and started reading. A big challenge has been communicating with Madhu, honestly.

We moved into the dining room downstairs and Sara helped Madhu and I helped Sapna. I ran into my room, got the supplies that I had brought from home, and started working with her. We made flash cards and when she was making HUGE progress. I gave her two stickers. When the other girls saw what was going on, they all cried that they wanted to read with us and get stickers, too. PERFECT!!!! YESSS!!! That evening was so great. The girls didn't even want to go to dinner because they all wanted a turn making flash cards.

After the good times with the girls, Sara is finally starting to believe me when I told her that the good times are going to outweigh the bad. We can't expect perfection from anyone else, and in a relationship that's worthwhile there are still going to be bad times. But, again, the good times will outweigh the bad. These girls are so great!!