I find it annoying when people get all emotional online, and post or tweet desperate things, and I've tried to avoid that here on my blog. But the reality is that living in an orphanage is really, really difficult. There are lots of emotional and psychological issues that come into play all the time. And as an international volunteer, I have to deal not only with the language barriers, but with the cultural differences as well.
When I talk about "culture shock" it may be hard to understand what I'm referring to, especially if you're back in the states, texting and eating Cafe Rio. Culture shock is when you can't communicate with someone because you don't speak Hindi - for the 7th time that day. It's when literally every person in the train station stares at you when they walk by, as you sit on the bench alone and wait for a train. Culture shock is when people yell at you in Hindi to buy things that you don't want a the market place, and then a little girl with face paint on begs you to buy some henna. Culture shock is when you eat roti for the third meal that day and you just want some cinnamon toast. Culture shock is when you go to the market and the man tells you the necklace costs 100 rupies, and then you hear him tell an Indian woman it costs 50 rupies. Or when you're in the back of a rickshaw and every single person is honking their horn so loud that you think your head might explode and implode all at the same time.
Now don't get me wrong, there are so many beautiful things about this culture that I'm enjoying. I love the crazy flavors, the naan bread, the fresh guava, the home-made mango juice. I love eating with roti instead of with a fork. I love it when you drive past a huge field and you can see the workers because their sarrees are so bright you can't help but stare as they stick out from the rest of the grass. I love that it's okay to talk to strangers (although it's usually really overwhelming for me). I love that people wear tons of jewelry just because. I love the humidity. I love that you can hold hands with someone you care about just because - it's not a big deal. I love being called "didi." I love that they always offer guests a drink of cold water.
But anyways, back to the orphanage. Yes, living in an orphanage was hard for me, but it's even harder for the kids who see volunteers constantly come and go. Why on earth would they want to trust you when they know you're going to leave?
With some other factors piled on top of that, I decided that spending another week at the orphanage would not be the best use of my time. I wouldn't be able to fix my relationship with them in a week - relationships are formed over such a longer span of time. When I realized this, I felt like I had failed my mission. Other volunteers did this, why couldn't I? I came to help kids in an orphanage, and I couldn't even do that. I felt like a total failure. I was feeling my worst last weekend, and I basically shut down. After we came home from church last Sunday at about 3 pm, I basically slept until dinner which was at about 8:30 pm. I felt so discouraged and was just done dealing with it. When an Udayan representative stopped by that weekend, he asked if I was okay. Vivek seemed rather worried about me on Monday when he was there. But Jaipur helped me recuperate, and was a much needed holiday.
I'm a perfectionist, and I like things to be just a certain way, so it was a hard decision for me to leave the orphanage. I wanted to "fix it" and make it right, but I knew I needed to leave and come back to New Delhi. I met with some coordinators at Udayan Care today, and we talked about my transition from the orphanage to the UC Headquarters. I'm going to travel to two other orphanages in my last week here and film and edit a promo video for the NGO. I'll also take pictures of the kids in the homes. I'm excited to do this! I think my skills will be put to good use here. I have a little bit of editing experience, but not enough, so if you have any advice for me please facebook me or something. I think this will be a good use of my time here.
And, for your pleasure, here's a video of the bathroom on the train back from Jaipur. The train was very, very nice. But Sara was a little surprised when she used the bathroom and realized where the pipe lead..
When I talk about "culture shock" it may be hard to understand what I'm referring to, especially if you're back in the states, texting and eating Cafe Rio. Culture shock is when you can't communicate with someone because you don't speak Hindi - for the 7th time that day. It's when literally every person in the train station stares at you when they walk by, as you sit on the bench alone and wait for a train. Culture shock is when people yell at you in Hindi to buy things that you don't want a the market place, and then a little girl with face paint on begs you to buy some henna. Culture shock is when you eat roti for the third meal that day and you just want some cinnamon toast. Culture shock is when you go to the market and the man tells you the necklace costs 100 rupies, and then you hear him tell an Indian woman it costs 50 rupies. Or when you're in the back of a rickshaw and every single person is honking their horn so loud that you think your head might explode and implode all at the same time.
Now don't get me wrong, there are so many beautiful things about this culture that I'm enjoying. I love the crazy flavors, the naan bread, the fresh guava, the home-made mango juice. I love eating with roti instead of with a fork. I love it when you drive past a huge field and you can see the workers because their sarrees are so bright you can't help but stare as they stick out from the rest of the grass. I love that it's okay to talk to strangers (although it's usually really overwhelming for me). I love that people wear tons of jewelry just because. I love the humidity. I love that you can hold hands with someone you care about just because - it's not a big deal. I love being called "didi." I love that they always offer guests a drink of cold water.
But anyways, back to the orphanage. Yes, living in an orphanage was hard for me, but it's even harder for the kids who see volunteers constantly come and go. Why on earth would they want to trust you when they know you're going to leave?
With some other factors piled on top of that, I decided that spending another week at the orphanage would not be the best use of my time. I wouldn't be able to fix my relationship with them in a week - relationships are formed over such a longer span of time. When I realized this, I felt like I had failed my mission. Other volunteers did this, why couldn't I? I came to help kids in an orphanage, and I couldn't even do that. I felt like a total failure. I was feeling my worst last weekend, and I basically shut down. After we came home from church last Sunday at about 3 pm, I basically slept until dinner which was at about 8:30 pm. I felt so discouraged and was just done dealing with it. When an Udayan representative stopped by that weekend, he asked if I was okay. Vivek seemed rather worried about me on Monday when he was there. But Jaipur helped me recuperate, and was a much needed holiday.
I'm a perfectionist, and I like things to be just a certain way, so it was a hard decision for me to leave the orphanage. I wanted to "fix it" and make it right, but I knew I needed to leave and come back to New Delhi. I met with some coordinators at Udayan Care today, and we talked about my transition from the orphanage to the UC Headquarters. I'm going to travel to two other orphanages in my last week here and film and edit a promo video for the NGO. I'll also take pictures of the kids in the homes. I'm excited to do this! I think my skills will be put to good use here. I have a little bit of editing experience, but not enough, so if you have any advice for me please facebook me or something. I think this will be a good use of my time here.
And, for your pleasure, here's a video of the bathroom on the train back from Jaipur. The train was very, very nice. But Sara was a little surprised when she used the bathroom and realized where the pipe lead..
That is super awful that they only let you stay for such a short time. I have a friend who went to Ecuador to work in the orphanage there for 3 or 4 months! She loved it! She got to rock the babies, play with the toddlers, etc. So sad that there are so many children that don't have parents, and so many parents who want children but can't have them. Something is messed up!
ReplyDeleteWhat an exciting adventure you're having!
They didn't kick me out, I chose to leave the orphanage. It was a hard choice, but I wasn't going to make a difference or even help if i was there for four weeks. To make an impact on someone you need to be there for forever, and I wouldn't be able to do that seeing as I'll only be in India for another week.
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